How to Write a Mary Sue
by WalkingIvy
Summary: Complete. A story with explanations demonstrating the techniques that we readers love to hate.
1. Chapter 1

How to Write a Mary Sue

I always wondered why people wrote Mary Sue stories, but I guess what really boggles the mind is why people READ Mary Sues…

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Ivy(1) had just transferred from an American school and already she was at the top of her class.(2) Not only were her grades hire then(3) all the other students, including the famed Rowen Hashiba(4) but she managed to gain more attention from the opposite sex than even the Flirt King Sage Date could. (5) But no one could really begrudge her her great fortune because she was super nice to everyone. (6) And that was only in two weeks!

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Now, let's break down what we've read.

1. Self-insertion. The #1 priority of all Mary Sues. We select a name that is not our name, but the name we've always wished our parents had given us. This way, we can reasonably claim that the Mary Sue is NOT a self-insertion while comforted by the knowledge that it is.

2. You must be sure not to use any logic in the writing of a Mary Sue. Of course Ivy's Japanese is flawless, even though she just transferred and probably had no prior knowledge of the language. It has to be; otherwise she can't demonstrate her geniosity. And she's always stunningly brilliant. Who doesn't like a know-it-all? Let's also ignore that Japanese high schools are extremely competitive and have a much more intensive course load than most American schools. Of COURSE she aced her Japanese history class; all American schools have an in depth course on Japanese history!

3. While it pained me to write this, it is of utmost importance to make numerous grammatical and spelling errors when writing a Mary Sue. This way, poor saps who get sucked into reading this garbage have something to comment on besides the utter lack of plot and character development.

4. Rowen is a bonified genius who has been studying this material since the beginning of the year, but yes, Ivy is smarter. That's why she wins the undying affection of Rowen. Because we all know that no one ever gets jealous of new comers who are smarter than them. We should also note here the use of the name Rowen instead of Touma. When writing Mary Sewage, you must always use the English versions because the dubbed versions are always better and more accurate than the originals.

5. Your character must also be stunningly beautiful. If not, she cannot win the undying affection of Sage. This logic follows that of point number four. And we all know that the English version which pits Sage as the Flirt King is more accurate than the original Japanese version which gives his personality as slightly "afraid of girls."

6. You must explicitly state that your Mary Sue is nice, super nice even, because it will never become clear throughout your writing. In fact, quite the opposite appears to be true.

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	2. Chapter 2

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It was at this point that Sage first laid eyes on Ivy (1) and was instantly captivated by her alluring good looks (2). Long, wavy blond hair fanned out around her slender frame, but her effeminate nature stopped there. She wore only tomboyish clothes made of baggy jeans and a tight green tank top with a floral design around the midsection (3) and yet, yet something drew him to her. (4) It was only when he heard her name mentioned in class that Sage remembered a day long ago on a trip to the United States and the unforgetable girl he'd met there(5). Sage had never really believed in love at first sight, but then again, this was second sight, wasn't it? (6)

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1. Now select your favorite Ronin to pair off with! Just because every man instantly adores you doesn't mean you'll go out with just anyone. And, since you're the author, YOUR Mary Sue can go out with whomever she pleases. There doesn't need to be a single ounce of compatibility. And don't worry, there won't be.

2. I can't stress enough how important that your Mary Sue be incredibly good looking. Who wants to read about ugly girls?

3. A Mary Sue must be a tomboy. Or, at least pretend to be a tomboy. This creates the 'I could care less' attitude that we all know attracts guys. She should also have a very specific outfit described in great detail that we must assume she's always wearing. Alternatively, you can describe each outfit in great detail, but don't describe any one else's clothes. Also, you can completely disregard any dress codes when creating her look because dress codes do not apply to foreign exchange students.

4. You don't need to bother with any personality traits, the Ronin of your choice will look beyond petty personality.

5. Ivy knew Sage before. Remember that your Mary Sue must always be an old friend of a Ronin or two, preferably your Ronin of choice, but not necessarily. This will create the illusion of some sort of belonging within the group, a pseudo canon character, if you will. But don't worry, your character will instantly be loved by all the Ronins.

6. And yes, you must utilize the "luh" word at your soonest possible convenience. It creates a more realistic scene.

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A/N: Yeah, this is my original story. I didn't want to offend anyone by using theirs (not to mention invoke some sort of copyright infringement or something). And it really follows the generic Mary Sue quite perfectly, though each sentence of mine is usually a full paragraph, but I didn't want to torture anyone too severely just to satisfy my rant.


	3. Chapter 3

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A/N: Yes, this is it. I won't torture you any further with this process. I've pretty much got it out of my system by now. Here are the final stages of a Mary Sue that require some semblance of a plot. After you get to this stage, you're on your own, but don't worry, no more plot is required of you.

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The Ronins couldn't believe their luck. After defeating Tulpa, things had been quiet for a while, but then all of a sudden, another enemy appeared! (1) And this one was much stronger than Tulpa (2). Now, all of the Ronins were fighting a losing battle. They'd been battling for several hours now and were utterly exhausted but they didn't seem to be doing any damage to the enemy. (3) Just when things looked lost for the Ronins, another armored figure appeared and started fighting, immediately doing damage. (4) Within just a few minutes the new enemy was defeated, but opened a doorway where a bunch of other similar creatures dispersed throughout the world. It looked like they would need the help of this armored figure again. (5) The figure turned toward them and took of its helmet. It was Ivy! (6).

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1. Of course there's a new enemy, about 90% of fanfics have a new enemy. There's really no other way to go with it if you want any action. But you have to say it like it's a shocker. If you can convince yourself that it's an original idea, why shouldn't everyone else believe you? There's only two ways you can go with a Mary Sue: new enemy flick. Either your Mary Sue IS the misguided badguy that the Ronins have to save, or she's the overpowered newguy that has to save the Ronin Warriors. You can also have her be a good guy that everyone thinks is bad or vice versa, but it's the same basic principle.

2. The new badguy must be stronger than the old enemies because if the Mary Sue is A) the badguy or B) the assisting new goodguy, she cannot show how much stronger she is than the Ronins without a stronger badguy. And she is stronger than the Ronins, for no apparent reason.

3. These and many other statements that seem to be from the mouth of someone with absolutely no fighting experience or concept of time will appear throughout every fight scene.

4. It's perfectly okay to add in extra armors despite the nine armors that were written in the show, in fact, you must. How else can your Mary Sue be infinitely stronger than the rest of the Ronins. Her armor will somehow be stronger for no apparent reason. So much stronger, in fact, that she'll have instantly done damage where five armors couldn't do damage for hours.

5. Make sure you set it up that your Mary Sue has to assist again in the future, because there's no way on Earth the Ronins would willingly hang out with your character on their own. Especially with the superiority complex she clearly has.

6. Despite building up this character previously and being completely obvious that the armored figure is your Mary Sue, you must act as if it's surprising. No way, you mean you're really going to use that character you've added IN the story? Shocker.

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A/N: I really don't mean to offend anyone with the content of this story, I seek only to make people laugh and perhaps learn from the ineffective and overdone writing styles highlighted in this story. Good night.


End file.
